Oh booooooy do I have a story for you. When I say dating out here is ~weird~ I'm not playing. Welcome to... the Twilight Zone, or as it is more affectionately known, West Hollywood.
Let me set the scene for you. Crazy night out with the girls and I meet a 6ft-something guy with dark hair and blue eyes. We end up exchanging numbers and make plans for brunch. Funny how quickly boozy brunch turns into coffee from the Keurig at his place after he clearly just rolled out of bed. *eye roll* But I digress... Homie seemed like a really nice guy when I met him, so I tried to go with the flow. Let's also ignore the fact that this "dope" patio that he said he had was actually a glorified alley with 2 dollar store chairs, the tiniest table know to man, and an ashtray clearly stolen from one of the dive bars down the street. BUT AGAIN, he was a really nice guy... or so I thought.
We started talking about our careers -- I mean really it was just him talking and me nodding my head as we often do to protect the male ego -- but he starts going on this long rant about how he had gotten fired "for no reason" from his previous job and how much he hates the people that fired him. Let the record show that after hearing the whole story from his perspective, I absolutely agree that he should have been fired so I couldn't really empathize with his feelings towards the matter. At this point in the conversation, I had pretty much decided this would be the first and last time that we would ever hang out. The issue was I had only been there for maybe 15 minutes at this point so it wasn't like we were at any sort of natural stopping point for this "date". Then, he said it. He really said that he put a curse on the people that fired him so that they would never be successful ever again... and he WAS. NOT. KIDDING.
I started laughing because I thought there was no way this man really believed he put a curse on someone but he didn't start laughing with me so I stopped (lol @ my freaking life). He was so passionate about this curse too which was what made me realize it was time for an exit strategy as old as time itself.
If you don't think I immediately texted my best friend the S.O.S., you're just as crazy as mans. I must say she gave an Emmy award winning performance when she FaceTimed me saying that I needed to come meet her immediately, thus getting me out of my "date" that has gone approximately 22 minutes too long at this point. This was actually the first time I ever pulled this card though which is really saying something about my desperation to get out of there. Little did this man know that my friend was calling me from the other side of the country, not my apartment like I said.. oops. *shrug*
I don't know if he actually believed my excuse, but honestly it didn't matter as long as it got me out of there. Did he text me asking if I wanted to come back over later that day? Yup. Did I respond? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I'm a black woman in America. I definitely don't need any help in the misfortune department thank you very much. He can keep those curses and spells to himself and leave me out of it.
Love,
Coco